DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter, "Crystal," has a toxic relationship with her mother. Both have battled alcoholism. The mother did some extreme damage that has ended the possibility of Crystal regaining custody of her 6-year-old son. My husband and I hired a lawyer to help her fight for her rights, and we have brought her to our home twice. The last time was right out of the hospital after she nearly killed herself with alcohol poisoning.

Fast-forward: Crystal is trying to mend her relationship with her mother, and now we have become second fiddle. What used to be a daily phone conversation happens now only when I call. When we try to visit them, they make excuses, and they have visited us only twice in the last six months. Her latest plan is to stay overnight with us and spend the following day with her mom.

We are swallowing our pride so we can see our 6-month-old granddaughter, but our feelings are so hurt. Please help me take the high road. Do we talk to her or just feel crushed? -- WOUNDED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR WOUNDED: Your troubled stepdaughter is trying to mend fences with her mother. Try not to take personally that she has tunnel vision right now. I do not think you should address this with her at this time. Let more time elapse, and if her distancing continues, talk to her about it then.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I live in southern Florida. My problem is our children, grandchildren and their spouses. When they come to visit, they only eat certain foods and need "healthy this" and "healthy that." I feel like we're being used as a hotel and restaurant. I want to see them, but it is becoming exhausting. What should I do? -- ROLLING BACK THE WELCOME MAT

DEAR ROLLING: Roll back that welcome mat. Talk to your children, grandchildren and their spouses. They may not realize the extent to which they have been imposing on you. Tell them that if they have special dietary requirements, they should buy their own foods, and you will make room in the refrigerator to accommodate them. If their presence in your home is becoming too taxing, provide a list of affordable hotels or rentals in the area they might consider.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 91-year-old, 4-foot-8 woman who still drives and goes alone to shop and conduct business. My problem is I am frequently approached by strangers who want to "help" me. This frightens me because I cannot defend myself. While someone holding a door open for me is appreciated, I have no way to identify a purse snatcher who may intend to knock me down. How can I communicate that I'm capable of caring for myself without offending the person? -- GREAT-GRANDMOTHER IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR GREAT-GRANDMOTHER: You are not the only senior who has expressed these feelings. Look the person in the eye and say firmly, "I know you mean well and thank you, but NO THANK YOU. I prefer to do this myself."

DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old trans man. I told my mother years ago, and while she hasn't stopped me from transitioning, she's wholly unsupportive. Despite telling her my new name and pronouns, she refuses to refer to me that way even when we are alone. (I can't tell the rest of my family; they would disown me.)

Every time I bring it up, she gets quiet or changes the subject. I love her and she loves me, but it breaks my heart to see her ignore who I am, and I know she won't back me up if the rest of my family finds out. I feel hopeless. What do I do to make her understand? -- TRUE SELF IN GEORGIA

DEAR TRUE SELF: Parents usually want to protect their children. They can also be misinformed or confused about the issue of being a trans person. The announcement may be hard to accept because many individuals have known they're trans for a long time but hesitated to tell others, including their parents. The revelation can be awkward and challenging to respond to with patience, love and care.

Take your mom to a PFLAG meeting, if she's willing to go. It can make a huge difference for parents, and it's what I recommend for you. To find a local chapter, visit pflag.org/find. PFLAG booklets like "Our Trans Loved Ones" or "Guide to Being a Trans Ally" could be enlightening for her (and you).

For your own emotional support, find community that is accepting and affirming -- PFLAG, a faith community or a transmasculine support group -- to gain confidence and safety. And do not underestimate the power of "chosen family." Create a plan to get your life in order if your family can't be accepting. There are people who will love and care for anyone whose family can't love them. Seek them out.

While it may be challenging, look toward community gathering spaces and meetup groups. People are there; it may just take a bit more work to find them. Consider starting the search in a nearby larger town or city to find out who else travels there for support, or to find a safe space to explore away from home to gain a broader perspective.

Stay safe. Educate yourself about resources online (affirming communities, crisis and emergency hotlines, state laws and rules). Planning ahead is something people forget most often about the transition process. I wish you only the best.

DEAR ABBY: I may stop going to an auto mechanic I have used for several years because of mistakes he made diagnosing problems on my daughter's friend's car. He advised her to get another car, but a different mechanic replaced the spark plugs and the catalytic converter, and the car is fine. Should I tell him why I'm not coming back or just drive off into the sunset and let it go? -- FIXING TO CHANGE IN OHIO

DEAR FIXING: Let it go. If the mechanic contacts you and asks why he hasn't seen you, tell him the truth -- that you no longer trust his judgment after the bum steer he gave your daughter's friend.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of two small children. I have separated from their verbally abusive, alcoholic father. I returned to my grandmother, who raised me, and tried to get a job. I couldn't find one quickly because we went into quarantine and my uncles made me move out.

I currently live in a women's shelter with my children, and I finally got a job. My problem is my husband still acts like we are getting back together, and he's embarrassed that we are living here. I want a divorce, but he won't talk about it, and threatens not to send money to support me and the children. He doesn't send much, but I have enough gas to get everywhere during the week.

He keeps telling me how much money he makes now and that he can get us a nice place where he is, or he can come stay a whole week with us when he's off. I don't want him to come stay with us. When I tell him this, he gets angry and hangs up, but then calls back the next day to say the same thing. I can't get him to understand that I don't want to be with him anymore, and I'm tired of his abuse. (The last time I lived with him, he "accidentally" knocked our son into the couch and walked out.) He won't admit he has a problem. Any advice? -- DONE FOR GOOD

DEAR DONE: Your husband persists the way he has been because he's trying to wear you down to the point that you will reunite with him. Perhaps you should accept fewer of those phone calls. If there are social workers connected to the shelter you're staying in, consult them about your predicament.

Your husband cannot shirk paying child support. If he doesn't do it voluntarily, his wages can be garnished. While you're at it, reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) because they may have useful suggestions about how to rid yourself of your abusive, alcoholic husband.

DEAR ABBY: Our only son has moved 2,000 miles away and has no contact with his sisters or me. I know his street address and still have his email address and phone number. About 10 years ago, when I was separated from his father, we were both expressing our angst, and I more than likely negated his feelings in an email. I ran across it the other day, and now realize that it may have caused the rift.

Should I bring that up in an apology now, hoping he will accept my most sincere acknowledgment that I ignored his pain? If so, what do I say? I am heartbroken and cannot sleep well with this hanging over my head. -- HEARTBROKEN MOM IN TEXAS

DEAR MOM: Write your son and tell him you are trying to understand what has caused the rift between you. Explain that you have been going over things in your mind and found the email from so long ago. Tell him that if this is what caused it, you sincerely apologize, but that you were both going through a difficult time when the email was written, that you love him and hope he will forgive you if it caused him pain.

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day